Sometimes I wonder what I'm I doing with my life?
Did I hear God wrong ? I'm I in the wilderness because I am living right or because of my disobedience? Why I'm I not seeing the promised fulfillment of God's abundance ?
From the age of fourteen I knew that there was a divine call of God on my life and after a few years I was excited to walk into my purpose. I was so eager to resign my secular work when God told me to. He told me he had some great and big plans for me and the ministry which He has given me and I was excited. With full confidence I wrote a letter of resignation to my employers and let them know that I was going to do the work of the Lord. I thought following God's will for my life was guaranteed insurance of endless happiness and a pain free life.
One of my spiritual mom told me I will have to pay a high price for what God is calling me to do but it didn't sink in very well. All I thought about was saving souls, travelling, loving people, healing the sick, feeding the homeless, making YouTube videos encouraging others and writing inspirational posts on Facebook.
I didn't think about the many spiritual attacks I would have, I didn't think people would laugh at me. I didn't think my own family would look at me as lazy and wasting my intellect and youth. I didn't think I wouldn't be able to provide for myself and get the stuff that I wanted to. I didn't think that I wouldn't be able to give financially as I wanted to. I didn't think that attending to the needs of so many people could leave me depleted and dry.
The thing is this though God called me in Faith and in Faith I left all to follow him. He told me the end of the story, He showed me the glory but He didn't show me the different hills and valleys that I will have to climb to get to the Mountain that He has called me to.
I had no idea that ministry would be the hardest thing I ever do. After all I have a relationship with God. I love my savior, I am living for me. I went to Bible school. What's hard in that but oh boy was I wrong!!
I had no idea that I would been attacked by people in the church. I guess you could call me a little naive for thinking that just because someone identifies with Christ he or she can do no wrong.
The hardest part though was deep depression wherein I felt like God was blessing everyone else but me. I felt as if I was doing it all right playing all the right cards and God was just holding things from me. I felt as though my current reality at the time was very different from the reality which God had promised me but then I was reminded of the scripture that God will never leave us or forsake us.
Now Ministry has not all been bad, God has been faithful and He is faithful.
Whereas the devil told me that I will die for hunger and get kicked out of my rented apartment I have proven him to be a liar because I am still at my rented apartment and my rent is paid each and every month. I have not suffered hunger for one day since I have done what God has asked me to do. I might not have been able to travel to places I would like to visit or enjoy a nice relaxing weekend at some exotic place but I am well. I might not have been able to eat my favorite food every week but just like the children of Israel He sends me manner each and every day. I love shoes and while I am not able to purchase very often just like the children of Israel the ones that I have are in good condition. Glory to God!!
Ministry has brought out a hidden passion within me that I didn't even know was there. I am talking about Life Coaching!! Since childhood I was very good at asking the right questions to get others to believe in the power within but I didn't exactly see that as something I could do as a career. Well somewhere along the journey to my promised land I heard about life coaching and I paid for an online course to better perfect my skills. Had I not gone into ministry full time maybe I would have never heard of life coaching. Now I am a big fan of the personal development industry and by faith I will further perfect my training in this field.
Ministry has taught me how to turn my God given gifts into profit. Ever since childhood I was always doing something to make money. From a very early age I remember selling cd's , phone cards and teaching the other children. At one point I was even a banker for a few children in my class. Now I know that on the journey of life we often see pictures of our future in some very small way. I use to sell Kenny Roger's Cd's at age fourteen and today I am making and selling my own personal Development Cd's.
I also learnt that my voice is God's gift to me. From a very early age I had people asking me why I talked the way I do. They asked me over and over again if I was an American and I would tell them no. They asked if I ever traveled and again I would say no. Up until today I still have people asking me that question but today I know that God gave me my voice for a reason. He has given me my voice for the nations to reach everyone and anyone. God has gifted me with my voice to reach presidents, kings and Queens, those with great knowledge and even those with little knowledge.
Ministry has put another passion in my heart. The passion of owning my own personal development corporation and though I don't have the capital as yet I have already started. You may visit my website at www.upfromthedust.org
Ministry has taught me to be thankful. To be thankful for every gift, for every act of kindness, to treat others the way I want to be treated. It has taught me to to be a great leader. It has taught me humility. It is shaping me to be a great wife and mother one day to render service without expecting a single thing in return. Ministry has taught me how to be an event planner. I kept my first international Motivational Conference on May 20th of 2016 and already I am planning my next event. I have experienced God's faithfulness in my life and unlike the children of Israel I wont murmur and complain. I am thankful!!
I know without a doubt that I am the Beloved of God and that I am Loved.
I know that I am God's beauty and though I currently stand in a puddle my Father will give me a Lake. I know that though I currently dwell in a river my Father has given me the Oceans of the world.